From the monthly archives:

March 2010

Clean and Dirty

by ranpen on March 30, 2010

I am loooking for a sexy woman to clean my house topless/nude. I have a 3 bedroom/2 1/2 bath. I am looking for light cleaning and other household tasks. Plz be between 18-32. Plz contact me with info and pics. Thanks

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Tue 3/30/10 11:04 AM
To: gigs——————–@craigslist.org

Hi there!
I saw your ad, and had to respond right away.  I’ve been seeking this type of cleaning job for a while now.  I’m 27 years old, and a seasoned maid; highly skilled with a Swiffer and I can dust in the hardest to reach places.  I also have my own vacuum.  It’s a Dyson, with Animal Ball technology (not sure what that means…LOL!).  Anyway, I’ve always wanted to clean in the nude.  Don’t get me wrong, I clean my own home in the nude.  But, to do this for someone else has always been a fantasy.  I just feel so liberated without clothes on.  Plus, if you got it, flaunt it, right? LOL!
I hope to hear back from you soon. Do you need a resume?

Thanks,
RP

From: Ryan ——
Sent: Tue 3/30/ 11:14 AM
To: Randy Penny

No resume is needed but what you all look like and a picture would be helpful  thanks

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Tue 3/30/10 11:34 AM
To: Ryan ———-

Hi Ryan!
Thanks for responding so quickly! At the moment, I don’t have a picture of myself available.  So, I’ve attached a picture of my vacuum.  Is that okay?

Thanks,
RP

From: Ryan ——
Sent: Tue 3/30/10 12:46 PM
To: Randy Penny

what do u look like?

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Tue 3/30/10 1:45 PM
To: Ryan——–

Ryan,
I am tall, slim and slender, with sandy blonde hair and succulent lips.  A lot of people say I should be in movies. LOL! I still can’t find a good photo of myself on this silly computer, so I’ve attached a caricature drawing I made of myself on MS Paint.
Talk soon!

Thanks,
RP

{ 3 comments }

Helmet Head

by ranpen on March 29, 2010

New Motocross helmet – $40

New helmet, never used. Dusty, not sweaty and crusty like other gross used helmets!
Medium to average in size, not for a nugget or bucket head. $40

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Mon 3/29/10 10:01 AM
To: sale——————–@craigslist.org

Hello,
Are you still looking to sell your Motocross Helmet?  Believe it or not, I’m in desperate need of a helmet just like this one.  I’ve created my entire Motocross wardrobe, including: gloves, leather pants, and a leather jacket with an ominous-looking skull and crossbones on the back.  However, I have yet to find the perfect helmet.  I think yours will go quite nicely,  especially with the yellow accent color.  And, thank heavens it’s not crusty!  If I had a Penny for every time I tried on a crusty helmet!  Looking forward to hearing from you.

Thanks,
RP

From: Michael —–
Sent: Mon 3/29/ 11:11AM
To: Randy Penny

Hey Randy,
Yes I still have it- give me a call after 6PM at ———— if you’d like to check it out.

Thanks, Mike

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Mon 3/29/10 11:23AM
To: Michael ——

Michael,
Is it okay if I wear the rest of my motocross outfit?  I want to make sure the helmet goes well with the jacket, pants, and gloves.  I don’t have a bike.  Right now, I’ve been wearing the outfit around the house and to parties.  Do you have a motorcycle?  If so, do you have another helmet?  I wouldn’t want to take the only helmet you have.  This could put you at serious risk for a potentially fatal head injury.

Thanks,
RP

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Mon 3/29/10 1:34 PM
To: Michael ——

Michael,
One more thing.  What exactly is a nugget/buckethead?  I’ve never been told that I have a large head.  I’ve been able to fit it into several different types of buckets.  But, then again, how do you know if a bucket is large…for a bucket, that is?  Do you think I’ll be able to wear the helmet if my head is closer to the size of a honeydew melon, then say… a pumpkin?

Thanks,
RP

From: Michael North
Sent: Mon 3/29/10 6:06 PM
To: Randy Penny

Buckethead, unlike the kick ass guitarist, is someone like OJ Simpson with a giant melon- greater in diameter than 80% of the rest of humankind.
Nuggethead is like someone with a teeny tennis ball sized head.
Give me a call if you want to check it out- the size of the helmet is pretty average.
Later,

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Mon 4/5/10 12:43 PM
To: Michael ——

Okay. Great!

P.S.  I’ve attached a caricature drawing of my head.

Thanks,

RP


{ 0 comments }

Getting Goosebumps

March 28, 2010 0 comments

Goosebumps 1-10 11 Books for $10!!!! Call/Text/Email ben at 402———I can either meet at Mcdonalds off of Cornhusker by Menards at 5:20-5:30 or 9:30p.m. at Burger King on 120th and Center on most weekdays. From: Randy Penny Sent: Fri 3/26/10 11:09 AM To: sale—————–@craigslist.org Ben, Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!  I love Goosebumps.  I [...]

I Like Veggies!

March 25, 2010 1 comment

Sexy Curvy Voluptuous BBW Woman Hi, Im new to the area from California. I moved here about a week ago and Im looking for someone to show me more for the area. I love big and tall men or just tall. Im not looking for a one night stand but a friend and a lover [...]

Happy Birthday, Lolita

March 24, 2010 0 comments

From: Randy Penny To:—————-@me.com Subject: Banquet Downtown Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2010 14:54:50 -0600 Hello Devin, Pleased to make your acquaintance.  I obtained your business card from that little area where the lovely young girls stand as you enter————.  They all seem very friendly, and greet everyone with such gusto! Certainly, a far cry from [...]

Can You Build Me a Home?

March 24, 2010 1 comment

Date: Mon, 1 Mar 2010 4:40:18 -0600 Subject: Architect From: Randy Penny To:—————-@hotmail.com Hello Mr. Allismo, I am looking for an innovative, highly skilled architect for my latest project.  I’ve been impressed with your remarkable design work throughout the Heartland, and believe that you just may be the perfect man for the job.  I’ll need [...]