Nooks and Crannies

by ranpen on September 24, 2010

Nude house cleaner available

I am a fit, very attractive, blonde haired, green eyed woman with an all natural body. I am looking to clean your home in the nude. Introductory rate is $150 for two hours of cleaning. NO SEX. No tips or gifts. I will use your supplies… where would I have a place to carry my own?? ;) I’m available during the day and on some weekends.

Thanks!

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Fri 9/17/10 11:57 AM
To: serv——–@craigslist.org

Hi There!
I’m looking for a nude house cleaner.   Are you still offering this service?   Please let me know.

Thanks,
RP

From: Max
Sent: Sat 9/18/10 9:42 AM
To: Randy Penny
Hello,

First, thank you for your interest in this service!

Second, don’t be alarmed at this email address…  I am the Master of a beautiful woman that will be performing this service.  I’ve attached a couple photos of her body for you to see.  This is not an offer for sex, simply 2 hours of nude house cleaning.  She is good at cleaning and has a compulsive cleanliness side to her that will not only leave you with a clean house, but a nice view as well.

She is typically available on Mon, Weds and Fridays, but her schedule can be a little flexible.  What part of town are you in?  How large is your home?  You supply cleaning supplies.  Again, the price is $150 for 2 hours of nude cleaning.  Let me know when you would like to schedule an appt.

Max

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Thu 9/23/10 9:31 AM
To: Max

Hi Max!

I apologize for the delayed response.  I have to admit, I was a bit frightened by your email address.  However, knowing that you are simply this woman’s master is very comforting.  As her master,  will you be fielding all of my questions?  I have a fairly large home, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and a sun room.  I’m mainly concerned about the hard to reach places,  areas that I find difficult to clean myself.   Will she be able to dust the tops of my ceiling fans and the insides of my light fixtures?  Is she able to bend down and scrub the nooks and crannies in my kitchen tile?  Will she be bringing any of her own cleaning supplies?  I have the basics, a broom, a vacuum, some rags, and some 409.   Does she clean totally nude,  or will she be wearing shoes?   Let me know.  My house is getting dirtier every second!

Thanks,
RP

From: Max
Sent: Thu 9/23/10 10:57 AM
To: Randy Penny

Hi Randy

Thanks for getting back. Yes I will be fielding all questions. She will be totally nude when she cleans. She will certainly be able to get nooks and crannies but unless you have a ladder she won’t be able to reach fan blades. She does not bring her own supplies.

I have to reiterate that this is a nude cleaning service only. $75 / hour with a two hour minimum.

What days work for you? She is nursing a bruised rib right now so perhaps next week?

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Thu 9/23/10 1:13 PM
To: Max

Hey Max,
Thank you for letting me know that I will need a ladder.  I guess I just assumed that she is 9 feet tall.   I appreciate you reiterating that this is strictly a nude cleaning service.  Just to clarify, this means NO sexual intercourse, oral sex, tongue kissing, S&M, fetishes, or otherwise lewd behavior, correct?
I am really sorry to hear that she has a bruised rib.  Did this happen as a result of an unfortunate cleaning mishap?  I hope she recovers soon.  Almost everyday is good, except Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Thanks,
RP

From: Max
Sent: Tue 9/7/10 2:53 PM
To: Randy Penny

LOL…. Of course. Best days are MWF but I’ll see what I can do. Where are you located? How many sq ft is your house? Is it generally clean now or is it a complete mess? If you like the service would you like regular cleaning?

Her bruised rib came from disobeying me… It shouldn’t effect too much work.

You’re correct that there is no contact with her.

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Thu 9/23/10 5:50 PM
To: Max

Max,

My house is quite spacious, and some might call it a bit messy.   However,  I’m sure that your servant will be able to tidy it up in no time.  I’ve attached a picture of my desk, upon which sits the computer I am currently using.   This should give you a general idea of what the job will entail.   Certainly, nothing my dustbuster won’t take care of.   I’ve attached a picture of my dustbuster as well.  Check it out.  It’s a Black and Decker!
I’m a little hesitant about hiring somebody with a bruised rib, however.  How bad is it?  How soon will she recover?  Will having sexual intercourse cause further injury?
Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Thanks,
RP

From: Max
Sent: Thu 9/7/10 6:40 PM
To: Randy Penny

Randy,

If your house looks like your desk it would certainly be a job that would keep her busy for months on end!  Looks like she would spend 2 hours just clearing the shit off that desk!

Don’t worry about her rib.  Sexual intercourse is not going to be a concern for her job, so it should be an issue for you.  She should be recovered fully in a few weeks.

I dig that black and decker, looks like it really sucks!

Max

From: Randy Penny
Sent: Fri 9/24/10 8:27 AM
To: Max

Hi Max,
I appreciate the kind words, though there isn’t much funny about a dirty house or a broken rib.   Is she your only servant,  or do you have others?   Does she arrive in the nude,  or does she undress once inside my house?  Will she mind if I, too, am in the nude?
Hope to hear from you.

Thanks,
RP

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

hicks November 8, 2010 at 7:37 pm

again, excellent pictures

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Lisa C November 19, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Um, RanPen, if this is a real back-and-forth (and I’m assuming it is) shouldn’t you be reporting this guy to the police for assault?

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Spanky C November 20, 2010 at 10:33 am

Um, Lisa C, you’re right. I’m sure the local authorities have far less important things to do then determine whether or not some yahoo may or may not have given his nude housecleaning servant a bruised rib. Not to mention, with a virtually untraceable craigslist ad as their most substantial form of evidence.

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Lisa C November 20, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Um, Spanky C, you don’t see a problem with a guy who is the “master” of a woman saying that she got a bruised from “disobeying” him? True, this may be him yanking Randy Penny’s chain as much as Randy Penny is yanking his, but 90% of the time he sounds serious to me. If I were on the receiving end of an e-mail like this, I would be concerned enough about the woman to at least bring it to someone’s attention. Whether or not it goes anywhere is a matter for the police. I had no idea Craigslist’s ads were untraceable. That’s fascinating.

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Shannon November 20, 2010 at 6:01 pm

Spanky & Lisa…He sounded like he was being facetious about the disobeying thing to me.

RP… I almost peed reading this. totally hilarious.

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